You Are All That Remains
by TheWallsHaveEarsEddy
Summary: Edd might still live with Ed & Eddy, but as the years have gone by he's started to feel alone, even when surrounded by those closest to him. Kevin too has came back from six years of service in the Middle East, and after his many hardships there he too feels alone even when in crowds. Will these two be able to overcome their loneliness together? Edd/Kevin


Around five years have passed since they met each other in a decent-sized redneck town called Peach Creek. Some of them went to school with each other in a now neighboring ghost town, Lemon Brook, but they had hardly known each other in their old domain. It was here in Peach Creek that David, Kyle, Vincent, Rin, Roland, George, Mouz, Sophia, Katherine, Susanna and Julie all grew to know one another and endure several bizarre misadventures together. The eleven newcomers to the Peach Creek area weren't so new anymore now, and after going to middle and high school with the cast of Ed, Edd N' Eddy, the eleven had became just as frustrating, malevolent and insane as the original inhabitants, perhaps even more-so. Although they seemed normal, flat and even kind at first, they soon became twisted and corrupted by the cartoony antics of Peach Creek, not only adapting to their environment, but flourishing as well.

As the years went by Peach Creek managed to grow as well, but not always for the better. The Park N' Flush trailer park was now the pinnacle of sin. Not only were there mobile homes sprawling across the ground, but a Foot Locker, discount liquor store and even a strip club had opened up shop here, and were sadly far more profitable than they should be. All three stores wee frequented by the worst society had to offer, and those employed their were even more despicable. Even at the liquor store, David and Kyle stood behind the counter, ringing up alcoholics who were doomed to fumble in downward spirals of whiskey and booze.

"So, have any plans with the mistress after work?" David asked his co-worker, his head barely sticking above the counter as he sat in his wheelchair.

"Fuck off you creep," Kyle snarled as he grabbed some drunk's ID, verified it and then sent the juicer on his way to cause trouble elsewhere.

"Aw come on, no need to be so mean to your best buddy David!" he rolled over, accidentally wheeling over Kyle's foot. "Ooh, sorry sorry sorry buddy!"

"Holy shit, fucking hang yourself!" Kyle vexed loudly, jumping up and down as he soothed his now flattened foot.

"Well ever since I lost my legs and became paraplegic, I might need some assistance with that," David replied, rolling away to the back to replenish the alcoholic beverages.

"Fine, go roll yourself into the creek you fucking sex offender!" Kyle's rage grew more and more the longer David was around him. Then plowing through the sliding door was George, all decked out in hockey gear and puking up booze-bile everywhere. "Get a mop bitch, George is here!"

"Hey hey, what up Kyle and the three-year-old-fondler?" George could barely get up as Kyle had to pull his belligerent ass off the now vomit-covered ground.

"Hey, I'll have you know that while in the bathroom with that three year old child, I slipped on some toilet water and then accidentally had my hand get rammed up the lil' fella's butt as I fell forward," David protested as he came back with a mob and bucket. "Trust me, it was completely non-consensual on both ends!"

"Man, how have you not killed this guy yet Kyle?" George asked as Kyle sat him down behind the counter to recompose himself.

"Well I'd cut off his legs, but he already lost those as his punishment."

"Actually only one, the other I had removed to help prevent my type two diabetes from killing me," David corrected as he kept scrubbing the floor the best a non-able bodied man could."

"And I still can't believe you're not rotting in jail," Kyle continued to rant as he gave George some water, only for George to chuck the plastic bottle directly at David's face, bruising it.

"Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks," George drunkenly chanted, knocking over a couple hundred dollar's worth of alcohol off the counter in his intoxicated state of euphoria. "Alcohol is better, ha ha!"

Kyle groaned as he felt his left pocket vibrate. Digging his hand in he pulled out his girlfriend's vibrator, yet his thigh still shook, so he whipped the sex toy at David's face, leaving another bruise on the molester's face. Now yanking out his cellphone, he saw that it was none other than Julie trying to contact him, so he hit the "Call" button and answered with a simple, "Sup babe."

"Hey Kyle, um, I got some good news and bad news," she said as Kyle gulped.

"Oh yeah, what's up?"

"Well the good news is that I'm being promoted to shift manager at Denny's because I kicked out Vincent and Susanna earlier since they're minorities!"

"Holy shit that's great Julie!" Kyle congratulated his girlfriend. "They didn't take it too personal, did they?"

"I think you'll have to give me a ride home later since I'm pretty sure they trashed my car, but yeah, they should get over it," Julie reassured, followed with a few moments of awkward silence before she continued speaking. "But bad news is I don't have my books for college and classes start in two days!"

"Oh shit that's not good!"

"I know right? I'm gonna be fucked and I can't find anything that won't cost me an arm or a leg!"

"Hey Julie can you hear me, it's David!" the registered level three sex offender himself shouted to make sure she could hear him over the phone. "If you have to choose pick leg, it's not as bad as you think!"

"Holy fuck smack that fat, creepy asshole for me please," Julie begged.

"I was gonna that anyway Julie but I'll smack him extra hard you for."

"Aw, you're so sweet!" Julie giggled. "But yeah, I heard from Eddy that Double-D has a shit ton of school supplies. That OCD nerd's gotta have everything for school supplies. But I heard he's really amped up security since he had it all stolen from him before. So, now I was wondering if you'd like to help raid his shit for me?"

"Yeah sure no problem babe, sounds cool."

"Awesome Kyle you're a life-saver!" Julie thanked her boyfriend, wiping sweat off her face and smiling. "Pick me up in half an hour and we'll go over the plan tonight. Love you!"

"Love you too Julie, see ya," Kyle hung up the phone and glared at George and David. "Alright you pathetic scum-stains, wanna help me maraud Double-D's shit?"

"Why do we need school supplies, we're all too cool for school!" George bantered, nearly slipping out of his seat.

"Well yeah, we're not going to school but Julie has her classes at the community college in two days, so we gotta get her supplies from Double-D's place."

"Am I invited?" David asked, getting a hate-stare from Kyle. "Just to let you know ol' buddy ol' pal, I can't be within a thousand feet of anyone under eighteen!"

Kyle tore the empty glass bottle of Captain out from George's clammy rum-soaked hands. He then jumped in the air and smashed the bottle over David's head, shards of glass implanting themselves in the skull of the sex offender. "Oh fuck yeah bud, it's your chance at redemption tomorrow!" Kyle screamed in David's blood-covered face.

"Woah, nice one Kyle, I did the exact same trick at the game earlier today," George complimented as he got up, only to fall flat on his face, moaning in agony.

David sniffled and shed a single tear, which was rather insignificant in comparison to the trials of blood flowing down from his head like lava running down a volcano. "I love you guys," David whined, rubbing his stretch-mark lined gut in comfort.

"Both of you chode-suckers shut up and get in my car; we're closing shop early to get ready for war," Kyle grabbed the collar of George's shirt and pushed the back of David's wheelchair as the three half-Hispanics shut down the store to prepare for battle.

* * *

"Did you guys over hear Julie on the phone?" Rin worriedly said, cutting into his pancakes. he sat with Roland, Katherine and Emily at a booth, the four enjoying some late-night breakfast right before they would begin college.

"Yeah, sucks for Double-D, but to be fair, that geek's gotta be loaded with school supplies," Katherine pointed out as she gobbled up on some sausage.

"He used to be cute back in middle school, but that acne he got sophomore year just wrecked his face forever," Emily commented, biting a bit off her bacon strip.

"Aren't you two trying to be cops or something?" Roland questioned, sipping his orange juice. "Shouldn't you do be trying to stop Julie and her boyfriend from breaking and entering into Double-D's place?"

"Meh, I gotta side with Julie on this, I don't have my shit ready for school either," Katherine admitted. "I think I'll tell her me and Emily are in too."

"This is gonna be a blast!" Emily exclaimed, giving her girlfriend a peck on the cheek. As Katherine's face blushed red like the devil's dick, she then told her other gay friends, "Come on, you two gotta be hurting for supplies too, what with all those loans we'll be in debt forever now."

"Fuck, you dykes make a good point," Roland spat on his hand and stuck in out to shake on that deal, only for Katherine to splash two-hundred degree scaling coffee in his face.

"My dad is the CEO of a publishing company, remember guys?" Rin brought up as Roland's face proceeded to melt off. "I can get any book for free so I am in no need to participate in this plan."

"Fucking rich kids," Emily scorned.

"Hey I'm rich remember, my folk's work for Man Co. still," Katherine pointed out to her girlfriend.

"Ah I miss when TF2 was still relevant and not replaced with by Overwatch," Roland commented as his "face" was now his fleshy skull and fire-red eyes.

"Also, uh, I must excuse myself and use the restroom," Rin said, hopping onto the table and jumping through the glass, shattering it as shards scattered everywhere outside. Rin, now covered in flecks of glass, began to make a run for it, becoming but a mere shadow in the dark the further he moved away from the diner.

"He's gonna tell Double-D isn't he?" Emily asked.

"No shit, now let's catch Julie before that bloke ruins everything," Katherine said as the two lesbians got up and headed towards their friend.

"Hey wait for me guys!" Roland said, clacking his skull as his exposed jaw-bones rattled.

* * *

Double-D labeled yet another aborted fetus in a jar to be used for future stem cell research. His friend Ed scooted across the floor like a dog with rectal itching, while Eddy chilled on his friend's bed, masturbating to some porn on his phone. "Will both of you knock it off!" Double-D proclaimed, dropping his jar in shock as the unborn one along with the bodily liquids now stained his floor. "Oh great, look at what you two have done now with your shenanigans! Edward you're gonna get an infection if you keep that up and Eddy, there are other people in this very room as you beat your meat you know!"

"It ain't gay if I ain't lookin," Eddy said as he continued to choke his chicken to some hentai porn.

"Sorry Double-D, but baby sister put itching powder in my pants and it won't stop needin' a scratching!" Ed whimpered.

"Curse my two best friends being complete retards," Double-D face-palmed as Rin suddenly burst through the door of his room, causing Eddy to jizz in surprise.

"Damn it, I wasn't ready to climax yet!" Eddy bitched as he was covered in cum.

"Double-D, I have grave news of which to alert you," Rin informed his friend, unsheathing his katana and donning a fedora to match his black trench-coat. "You are going to be attacked by bandits in the morning."

"Double-D's finally getting robbed of his virginity!" Ed shouted and chuckled, only for Double-D to grab the fetus and throw it at his friend, with the medical waste getting lodged into Ed's mouth.

"Pardon Ed and Eddy's incredibly inappropriate behavior," Double-D apologized on behalf of his friends as he welcomed Rin in to take a seat. "Alright, so do tell about my home being invaded Rin."

"I have overheard of news at Denny's that Julie is preparing to launch an assault on your abode to ransack you of your school supplies," Rin explained as Double-D intently paid attention. "She already has Katherine, Emily, Roland and her boyfriend Kyle at least on her side. Who knows if she plans on recruiting more thugs to steal your belongings in an epic siege tomorrow."

Double-D sighed as he went to his dresser, opening it to reveal a remote labeled as "Home Security." "So, they want a war tomorrow huh?" Double-D pressed a series of buttons and smirked. "Then it's war those barbarians shall get!"

"I am at your side if you need my assistance Double-D-san," Rin bowed, pledging his allegiance to his friend. "My sword shall slay those willing to harm your safety."

Ed swallowed the future stem cell research sample and too bowed before Double-D. "Ed is by your side my good chum!"

Eddy had just used up an entire box of tissue to clean up himself and the mess of semen he made. "Oh yeah, I'll fuck up some goons for ya too."

"Excellent," Double-D clasped his hands together, laughing manically as the four began to go on the defense for tomorrow's battle.

* * *

The sun was rising and its light glimmered off of the morning dew scattered across the grass of the cul-de-sac. Julie and Kyle stood in the center of Rathink Avenue, staring at Double-D's house through a pair of binoculars. "I don't see anything sketchy," Kyle commented as he scouted out Double-D's house, which was located at the entrance of the cul-de-sac.

Julie grabbed the binoculars from her boyfriend's hands and gave a look for herself. "Yeah, this seems way too easy," she told him. "Also, when are the others getting here?"

As Kyle went to check his cellphone, the army came in guns ablaze. George rode on David, rolling in as the two had their AK-47's firing into the sky. In Katherine's Holden-brand car was herself, Emily and the now skull-faced Roland, zipping in dangerously and leaving tire marks everywhere on the pavement. Next came Vincent and Susanna, followed by Mouz, Sophia, Abigail, Omar, Travis, Kevin, Marie Kanker, Nazz, Jonny, Rolf, and special guest stars, the Blue Fugates, all packing heat. The twenty-man plus platoon cocked their guns and loaded their magazines, and others like Omar and Rolf polished their blades, ready to unleash hell all for getting some school supplies for the upcoming semester.

"Who the fuck got the Blue Fugates to show up here?" Julie questioned as the blue skinned freaks of nature pried open a manhole, beginning to venture off into the sewers.

"They're a meme babe, don't worry they'll be irrelevant in a few months just like Dolan, Mike "LGBTBBQ" Pence and the others," Kyle reassured as the gang lined up.

"Alright, so what's the plan dude?" Kevin asked, polishing his rocket launcher.

"First, we gotta see what we're up against," Kyle informed him, grabbing a missile from Kevin's backpack and attaching it to David's wheelchair. "Remember how I told you last night there was a chance to be redeemed of your sins David?"

"I would love nothing more but kindness and forgiveness from those I hold dear to my heart." Kyle tied the missile down with some rope and George prepared a Molotov cocktail like the brew-master he was. "Wait, I'm confused here, how does strapping a rocket onto my wheelchair get me forgiven?"

"Because now we'll no longer have to deal with a sick fuck like you ever again." Kyle snapped his fingers and George lit the cocktail, tossing it at David. The fire instantly set off the missile, sending a screaming David propelling straight into Double-D's yard. But before the missile could even explode, turrets popped out from the ground and turned David into a lead Popsicle. Kudzorks, Viranids and Necgruls appeared from the bushes of the front yard as guards, and an orbital nuke obliterated via photon laser beam until there was no evidence at all that David ever existed, now becoming one with the void.

"Well, I'm out," Marie said as she stole Kevin's motorcycle, driving back to Park N' Flush where she would delay being slaughtered.

"Why the hell are those monsters still here?" Nazz questioned, donning a ninja costume and being armed to the teeth in martial art weapons.

"I guess since we never actually finished the RP, they're still around," Mouz deduced as all eyes then began to glare at Jonny.

"Oh come on, it was a rough phase, I wasn't liked very much, me and Plank had a bit of a tough patch, and overall-" Rolf cut Jonny in half with a battle ax before he could finish his sentence.

"Rolf is tired of talk, now Rolf demands bloodshed and treasure!" Rolf raised his weapon into the air and the others let out their victory screeches, ready to charge into Double-D's house, even if it cost them their lives doing so.

Charging headstrong, the marauders launched their attack on Double-D's abode. Omar and Rolf fended off the monsters with their magical-weapons, while Mouz sacrificed himself to take out the turrets with an EMP wave. The photon cannon kept nuking everything in its path to oblivion until Sophia placed Kevin in a homemade rocket ship to dismantle the space weapon, with our favorite shovel-chinned dork basher never to be seen again. Unfortunately however there were several lives lost on the initial siege into Double-D's house. The only ones to make it inside were Kyle, Julie, George, Katherine, Roland and Emily. The others valiantly paid the ultimate price for free school supplies: death.

* * *

"As a Native American, I know what a massacre looks like and that was definitely one," Emily commented, reloading her Glock as the six thieves had officially entered Double-D's house.

"You guys really think this is all worth it, over some fucking school shit?" Roland questioned, his skull covered in blood and gunpowder.

"Oh fuck yeah bud," Kyle told his pseudo-friend as he examined the inside of Double-D's abode. It was clean and quiet, which was to be expected on a usual day. However, today was a day for battle and bloodshed, not who could make their house the shiniest and most orderly.

Just then descending from the stairs was none other than Rin, dressed in Kabuto armor and with his katana so sharp that it was cutting the air as it was extended. "You six have made a grave mistake," he informed the robbers. "Leave through the backyard and your lives shall be spared. Stay, and you will have my blade up your butt."

"So this is how you really wanna part ways Rin?" Roland questioned his boyfriend. "We've been through so much together Rin. The bullies from Lemon Brook, Xing Gang and that chink's weird ass Berserk-tier eclipses, and that time senior year I caught you fucking the school mascot and despite that still being a strain on our relationship, I still managed it find it within myself to forgive you. I know you've always liked Double-D too and I know I can't compete with his brains, but I also do not want to compete with his heart either. Plus he's got terrible acne man, I think his zits pop if he blinks hard enough, how can you find that attractive?"

Rin took in a heavy sigh and then hastily stabbed Roland in the heart. "Forgive me in hell my love," Rin said, kissing his dying boyfriend on the lips as the others screamed and vomited in disgust.

"Yiff in..." Roland could not finish his final words as he passed onto the infernal realm where his boyfriend would later join him in the afterlife for sins completely unrelated to their homosexuality.

"That's in Rin!" Katherine yelled as she whipped out a crossbow, firing several arrows at Rin, only for the Japanese swordsman to nimbly dodge the incoming ballistics. "I wouldn't pull that crap on Emily you sick fuck!"

"Eh, perhaps in another EL you would've done the same, if not worse," Rin shurgged, blocking and avoiding the arrows with zero effort. The combined attacks of Julie, Kyle, Katherine, George and Emily could not phase him, for as a samurai, his skills were as sharp as his sword

"Here comes my ultimate attack!" George yelled as he screamed, with a raging blizzard from Cocytus being summoned into Double-D's living room. Rin, also being an icy person, quickly did the same thing as the room temperature quickly reached the negatives. While Kyle, Julie, Katherine and Emily were nearly dying of the sheer cold, the two frost elemental kept up their snowy spell that would bring about an Ice Age unlike the world had ever seen before.

"Ha, your calling of the ninth layer is but a mere slushy snowball combined to the Absolute Zero degrees you'll be facing!" Rin exclaimed, his sword now glowing with aurora borealis.

Tired of the cold himself, George zig-zagged across the frozen floor like a hockey player would and slammed Rin up against the wall. He whacked at Rin with his hockey stick and then took off his skates, clashing and parrying blades against Rin's katana. "This is for Pearl Harbor!" George shouted, headbutting Rin and knocking him out cold, putting a stop to the freezing weather.

"Okay George that comment was completely uncalled for, but whatever," Katherine said as she blasted Rin's head with a shotgun. What was left of the swordman's face and skull now resembled a smashed pumpkin more than anything recognizably human.

"Alright, so with Rin taken out, what do we have left to deal with?" Kyle questioned, rubbing his nearly frost-bitten hands to regain some warmth.

"The show's called Ed, Edd N' Eddy for a reason you savages!" shouted an iconic hoarse voice from around the corner. The five rushed into Double-D's kitchen to see Ed standing guard in front of the basement's entrance, donning a partial monster costume. In this state Ed kept his sanity, but also had some of the power of a Kaiju, truly making him a formidable foe.

"Get outta the way Ed and no one gets hurt," Julie threatened, pointing an assault rifle at his chest.

"No, for it is you who shall feel pain today!" Ed yelled, swiping at the five besiegers with his monster claw, knocking them into the kitchen cabinets, drawers and even the sink.

"Everyone open fire!" Emily blurted as the five unleashed a bullet storm upon Ed. Kyle even tossed a hand-grenade for good measure, and George chucked his hockey skates as well as an extra precaution.

"You make me chortle mere mortals," Ed laughed, exhaling a toxic gas from his mouth. The fumes were suffocating, and the furious five tried holding their breath as to not inhale the horrid gas that was Ed's bad breath.

"Holy shit he's unstoppable," Katherine said as she collapsed from the stench.

"Katherine no!" Emily screamed as Ed grabbed a chunk of the wall and tossed it at her. The direct hit of debris also made Emily fall over, the impact critically damaging her.

"I am Ed, stalwart defender of his good best pals Eddy and Double-D!" Ed roared as the earth itself shook. However, even after Ed's might boast, the kitchen floor tiles kept shaking, and without warning several blue hands popped up from below. Kyle, Julie and George jumped up on the counter while the Blue Fugates made their unfortunate arrival. Even Ed's zealous demeanor faded away as the cerulean mutants grabbed the unconscious bodies of Katherine and Emily, and then proceeded to latch onto Ed like a horde of the undead. Ed tried to swat them away and moaned in horror, but nothing he could do would save him now. The Blue Fugates dragged Katherine, Emily and Ed underground with them, and soon you could no longer hear that lovable oaf's voice anymore.

"Holy fuck, never get those creeps to make an appearance again," Julie told Kyle and George as she stepped back onto the floor, which was now dirt and mere shards of tile.

"Agreed, I think I'd rather take that unnamed gas station attendant or Vincent's baby cunt sister Cheryl," Kyle replied as the three slowly approached the basement door, with George bravely opening the entrance to the floor below.

* * *

The three surviving invaders hesitated as the stairs to Double-D's basement creaked and cracked with even the lightest of footsteps. It was pitch black to boot, the darkness of the abyss being like pressing your face into a turned off television screen. "Fuck, someone get the lights," George commented before tripping and fumbling down the flight of stairs, grunting with pain before making a hard crash onto the cement floor below.

"Oh my God, George!" Julie yelled as the lights suddenly flicked on. Now her and Kyle could see the rusty standing nail that George tripped on, as well as the rest of Double-D's basement. But even more importantly guarding the final vault where the treasure lied was none other then Eddy himself, armed with but a couple of pistols and an energy sword from the Halo franchise.

"You little shit's ready to get fucked up today?" Eddy asked as he shot George in head, ending the life of the county's biggest hockey fan.

"Eddy!" Kyle yelled, quickly pulling out a riot shield as he rushed towards Eddy. As Eddy kept firing away, Kyle's shield was able to absorb the bullets, although it suffered from cracks. Then Kyle smashed his shield into Eddy's jaw, knocking the leader of the Ed's to the ground as Kyle jumped on top of Eddy and began to beat the living shit out of him. "Fuck you!"

"Woah now, break it up you two," said Spikender as the mechanical menace himself pulled Kyle off of Eddy. "I can't have the two characters, Kankers aside, that I role-played as do this to each other. It lacks style."

"Well what the fuck are we supposed to do?" Eddy asked, wiping his face of blood.

"You two are coming to the gladiator pits on the robot planet with me to settle this honorably and so I can personally get the maximum amount of lulz for myself only," Spikender said as he grabbed his two characters and teleported away to another world with them.

Julie was now alone. The hasty teleportation also somehow opened up the gate of the vault as well, revealing its treasure. Pencils, paper, paper clips, rulers, pens, notebooks and more. It was a jackpot of school supplies and Julie squeed in joy before beginning to rummage through the goods like a toddler sloppily eating spaghetti. "Where are the textbooks?" Julie questioned, not finding anything she really needed for tomorrow's first day of school. "This is bullshit!"

"Are you fucking kidding me woman?" Double-D raged, jogging down the stairs and then giving Julie the hardest bitch-slap a scrawny twink like himself could give. "That's what you wanted was textbooks you didn't even know I would have or not?"

Julie rubbed her cheek. "I mean you're so smart I figured you'd have books for everything," she reasoned, more surprised now that Double-D could dish out a decent slap.

"You're going to be mostly taking generals for your freshman year, correct?" Double-D asked as Julie nodded, only to receive another slap, this time to her right cheek. "I'm going to Yale for a double cardiovascular surgery and mechanical engineering degree! I've had basic college level courses completed since I was a sophomore in high school! I'm so beyond the joke courses you'll be taking that I should have both my doctorates completed when I'm twenty-five! My God, I truly am surrounded by complete and utter morons!"

"Well thanks to you it's just you, me, the Kankers, Jimmy and Sarah left now I think," Julie pointed out as Double-D gave Julie a swift kick to the cooch.

"I'm not the one who organized an astonishingly stupid and pointless raid on my abode for non-existent textbooks!" Double-D continued chewing out Julie as Raul suddenly came down the stairs, making Julie and Double-D giggle see his dwarf legs quickly move.

"Hey guys, there's a photon laser that's outside destroying the world," Raul pointed out, getting Double-D and Julie's eyes to widen. "You two know why?"

"It was a good assumption." Then it got bright as the high-energy beam of light made its way towards the three, and within seconds, they disappeared into the light itself.

Meanwhile in outer space, Kevin was chilling with some reptilian aliens. "Hey, what gives," he said. "You said if I cut the red wire the whole thing would shut down!"

The lizard-men laughed as one of them yelled, "Ha, you just got pranked bro!"

"Well, now that you planet's fucked, wanna come with us to some robot planet and see a couple of humans duke it out?" the other reptilian hissed.

"Eh why not, Earth was getting lame anyway," Kevin said, entering their spacecraft as the three entered hyperspace to warp over to the robot planet.


End file.
